


Promise Not To Stop When I Say When

by annieapple24



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Just Wants Him To Be Happy, And Going Through It, And Magnus Is Stupid And Stubborn, Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Feels, My Take On The Training Scene, Smut, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annieapple24/pseuds/annieapple24
Summary: Magnus knows they are supposed to be training, helping Magnus prepare for a life without magic, but he needs a distraction from the negative thoughts that are threatening to consume him. Alec, at least, is distracted quite easily.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	Promise Not To Stop When I Say When

**Author's Note:**

> I don't write angst a lot, but this beautiful idea came to me one night while I was very much not sober and I just had to write this short little piece. I've read a lot of smut fics for the training scene, for good reason because WOW what a good scene, but I haven't read many that address everything Magnus is going through. I just love Magnus so much, okay? I hope there are some angst lovers out there who will enjoy this.

“I told you not to flirt with me.”

It had been completely by Magnus’s design, unsubtly pushing as many of Alec’s buttons as he could as they danced around each other (literally, on Magnus’s part) to get a reaction out of his boyfriend. And yet Magnus was somehow still surprised when Alec pushed him against the closest pillar and kissed him like he was trying to devour him. 

Magnus couldn’t resist even if he wanted to. In all his years of existence, Alec’s kisses were one of the best things he had ever experienced. Alec was consuming, and even the chastest of kisses always had Magnus closing his eyes and losing his breath, too overwhelmed by Alec’s intensity or passion or love, or a wonderful combination of it all. 

Now, it was enough for Magnus to lose himself a little. It was exactly what he had been hoping for, an exciting distraction that would get his blood pumping and hopefully quiet his thoughts. Even if just for a little while. 

The flirting and the fighting already had Magnus rearing to go, but just as he was pulling Alec’s shirt up, eager to get his hands on his bare skin, Alec pulled away. 

Magnus was confused and little concerned, but quickly realized the issue when Alec held up a hand and muttered “bedroom” before turning on his heels and leaving the room, strides long and eager in his rush to get to a more private location.

With little more than a glance around to make sure Alec was just being paranoid and there wasn’t actually anyone watching, Magnus hurried after. 

It was a chase, Magnus realized. Probably unintentional on Alec’s part. But as Magnus followed Alec through the Institute, ignoring the few dirty glares hidden behind computer screens shot his direction and focusing on Alec refusing to blush as he quickly walked past the other Shadowhunters pretending he wasn’t hiding an erection, he knew the competition was still on. 

So, Magnus chased. And when he managed to catch up to Alec in the empty hallway, he didn’t hesitate in pushing Alec into the corner Magnus knew to be one of the few blindspots in the Institute. It had been Alec who showed it to him, though it had been for security reasons, not for fun, when Magnus had reworked the wards on the building. He was happy to use the information for nefarious purposes now, relishing the groaning sigh Alec couldn’t help but release when Magnus grabbed his neck and pulled him in for another searing kiss. 

As always, Alec responded immediately. He pulled Magnus closer, hands sliding hotly up his back and leaving sparking embers in their wake, making Magnus gasp. They wouldn’t have long before they would need to move things along again, he didn’t actually want to get them caught even if the prospect was a bit exciting, but Magnus still let his hands trail down to Alec’s hips to find overheated skin. Magnus dug his thumbs into the divots under Alec’s hipbones, pushing Alec harder against the wall. When Alec moaned, Magnus rose to the tips of his toes to get a better angle to deepen the kiss.

His heart skipped a beat when he felt Alec smirk against his lips, pulling away just enough to breathe. Alec managed to ride the line between adorable and unbearably hot, and Magnus loved him so much. 

And the smirk meant Alec had realized the game was still on. With an effortless grace, Alec grabbed Magnus’s hands from his hips and found enough leverage to flip them over, once again pinning Magnus and taking control. It was a position Magnus loved to be in, but he couldn’t stop to let himself enjoy it. Not the way a part of him still wanted to. Not with the mess of thoughts that hadn’t left his head since he made the deal with his father. 

With Alec distracted, focused intently on Magnus’s lips and tongue and teeth, it was easy to hitch his foot perfectly behind Alec’s knee unbalance him. Alec fell into him heavily, but Magnus was ready to catch him, locking his arms around Alec’s back to prevent him from being able to support himself. It made the kiss messy and a bit painful, but Magnus was still proud of himself.

Alec grunted a little, trying to fight Magnus’s hold, but not able to get his feet back with Magnus still digging his heel in to Alec’s knee. “Magnus, c’mon,” Alec said, not quite whining, but making it clear that he would much rather be moving on to the bedroom. 

Magnus really had to agree. As much fun as it was to have Alec wriggling excitedly against him, using the new angle to mouth at Magnus’s neck even as he tried to pull himself away, it would be even more fun with less clothes. 

Letting Alec go first, Magnus waited a moment, taking deep breath and peeking out to make sure no one was coming from the other side of the hallway. But he made sure to time it so he could hurry and meet Alec just as he was opening the door to his bedroom.

With a smile that was just a little too happy to be the seductive grin Alec was probably going for, Alec pulled him in the room, using Magnus’s body to close the door as he pushed him against it. Alec didn’t immediately meet him this time, though, taking a moment to just look at Magnus.

It made him feel warm and exposed. Magnus usually loved attention, especially from a wide-eyed Alec that never seemed able to look his fill and could never wait too long to get his hands on him again, but it wasn’t what Magnus’s needed. He needed Alec to touch him, to make his blood heat, to burn away the thoughts in his head. More importantly, he needed to show Alec how good he was, needed to hold Alec down and ruin him for anyone else, to make sure Alec could never forget him.

But Alec was already pulling his stele out of his pocket, getting ready to rune the door. It was enough to grab Alec’s shirt and connect their mouths again, no push and pull, but enough fun in keeping Alec too distracted to draw his rune properly. 

Magnus gasped as Alec trailed hot kisses down his chin, mouthing at his neck. He tried to angle down again, but Alec used his free hand to grab Magnus’s neck and tilt him back to give himself more skin to kiss and bite and suck until Magnus was shaking in his arms.

The hand didn’t move away from his neck, more likely that Alec was too distracted to move it again than anything else. But Magnus still couldn’t help but think of how easy it would be for Alec to press just a little harder, to cut off Magnus’s airflow, to choke him until his brain went fuzzy. Magnus wished the idea wasn’t quite so appealing at the moment. It was something that Alec never did, even when Magnus implied once that it would be okay. He just wasn’t comfortable with doing something so violent. 

It was something Camille had loved to do though. To bite into Magnus’s neck, to drink deep even as her nose scrunched up at the burned sugar taste she openly admitted she didn’t even like, before pressing her fingers into Magnus’s throat until his head swam from the lack of oxygen. The moment she would let him breathe again he was ready to beg for anything she would give him. And she would take it, making him feel so good, happily thinking he was everything she needed and wanted.

Alec didn’t do that. Even now, as he bit at Magnus’s neck hard enough to leave marks, he always soothed the burn with his lips and tongue. Alec had been so nervous the first time they had done something as simple as necking, wanting desperately to make Magnus feel good. Now, Alec was more or less a pro, but no less focused on Magnus’s pleasure. There would be no choking, no face smacking, no sharp, pointed nails cutting deep lines into his chest. Just making each other feel good.

It was different.

Would Camille have loved Magnus if he lost his magic when they were together? Would she have stayed with him and supported him the way Alec was doing, or at least trying his best to do? Absolutely not. She would have laughed in his face at his misery and kicked him out on his ass without a second thought. No one had ever loved Magnus the way Alec did, and no one else ever would.

And while that thought made one part of Magnus unbearably happy, an indescribable joy of finally having a love that was unconditional after centuries of searching, another part was still absolutely terrified. He had thought the same of Camille once, of many others, all of whom had left him or worse. Alec could still change his mind. Could decide Magnus was too much of a burden, that the beauty and power that had attracted Alec to Magnus was gone and there was no longer a reason to stay.

Surely, Alec was now proving that untrue, panting Magnus’s name in his ear as he pushed him harder against the door, too intent on kissing him stupid to properly draw the soundless rune on the dark wood. Surely, if anyone could make Magnus forget the gaping hole in his soul where his magic should be, it was Alec. If he was still willing to stay with such a large piece of Magnus missing. 

In an effort to gain some leverage over their positions, having been pinned too long for his liking, Magnus grabbed for Alec’s pants, knowing that Alec would immediately be on board with the idea of losing more clothing. Sure enough, Alec pulled away far enough to help push his pants and underwear down, tripping a little in his effort to quickly kick off his shoes. Magnus took the opportunity to push away from the door, coming behind Alec to tug at his shirt even as Alec was bending over to pull off his socks. 

Soon, Alec was completely naked while Magnus was still fully clothed, watching his ass as he bent slightly to finally draw the rune on the door. Magnus hated himself a little for the way it affected him, such an obvious display of dominance, the way that Alec turned around to kiss him again without even blinking at Magnus’s lack of effort to undress. In fact, Alec did the opposite. He plastered himself to Magnus’s front, whining slightly as he pressed his hard cock against Magnus and grinding against his pants like he just couldn’t help himself. It was so fucking hot Magnus had to stop for a moment just to relish the sight and the feeling. 

Magnus didn’t realize Alec’s stele was still in his hand until Alec was lifting it again. 

“No runes, remember?” Magnus stopped him, flashing him a sly grin. 

It had been Alec’s rule, to keep the fight “fair” while they were training. It wasn’t that Magnus minded the idea of Alec activating his strength and stamina runes and fucking Magnus until he forgot his own name. But it wasn’t what Magnus needed right now. He didn’t think he could if he tried. Not with the way the adrenaline and the fight were still pumping through him. Not with the way he was still aching to win, to prove himself. 

Magnus was still strong. He was good enough to be there with Alec, fighting by his side and coming back to share his bed. Magnus couldn’t submit right now, even to Alec, even if the power dynamic was entirely in his own head. He couldn’t be that vulnerable right now. Everything inside him was too raw. To let Alec hold him down, to let Alec take the lead and decide what Magnus needed, Magnus just couldn’t do that.

So instead, Magnus locked his arms and a leg ruthlessly around Alec while he was still distracted smirking at Magnus’s comment, grappling and gasping with Alec’s larger frame until Alec inevitably lost his balance and slammed onto the bed. 

Locking his feet behind Alec’s knees and digging his elbows perhaps a bit too hard into Alec’s chest and shoulder ensured Alec couldn’t move from beneath him, couldn’t wrestle for control. He didn’t hold back as much as he had in training, though now Alec wasn’t either, making it a bit more fair and leaving Magnus to rely on centuries of experience. But he didn’t really think Alec would mind. Not with the way he was arching his back, cock already leaking onto his stomach. Really, it just made Magnus wonder if Alec was getting off on this more than he was.

Magnus raised a hand, ready to lose his clothes now as he could slowly feel himself starting to lose control as well and trying to decide if he would rather ride Alec into the mattress or press him face down into the pillows and fuck him from behind. But he stopped before he snapped, belatedly remembering no magic would come at his command. He fought against the sick feeling that threatened at the realization and focused on Alec. This was why he was here. Alec still loved him. He still loved him. 

Alec didn’t comment at Magnus’s raised hand, surely understanding what it meant, but he did manage to use the distraction to his advantage to wiggle his arms out from Magnus’s weight, sitting up enough to unbalance Magnus slightly. He didn’t fully take control, though, he just used the angle to pull Magnus’s shirt up and over his head.

It took a few more moments to get Magnus naked, lots of rolling around on the blankets with Alec’s joyous laughter washing over Magnus like a religious experience. Somehow, they ended up under the sheets, Magnus taking his place in Alec’s lap once again and Alec happily lying back to let Magnus place harsh, biting kisses across his chest. Alec’s fingers desperately scrabbled against Magnus’s back, digging in when they found purchase and rocking upwards to press their hips together anytime Magnus found a particularly sensitive spot.

Magnus wished he still had magic just so he could open himself up faster, desperate to have Alec inside him, filling him up. Filling the emptiness inside him. He didn’t want to feel anything else, didn’t want to feel the torn, jagged wound inside him, the clawing terror of the future, of knowing there would be an ending to his story. He didn’t want to feel the guilt, or the shame, the wondering if he should regret throwing the most important part of himself away for Jace, just to make Alec happy. Had it even been worth it in the end?

Fingers traced beautiful lines into his skin, trailing hot tingling scores as if they dripped molten gold. Alec was caressing, enjoying, burning. It was everything Magnus wanted. And also not enough. Never enough. Magnus grabbed one of Alec’s hands, leading it where he needed him, urging Alec to grip his ass as tightly as he could, to let his dripping gold fingers to trail over his hole, to push in dry and make him burn, make him feel everything.

There was a pause when Alec insisted on grabbing the lube, and though Magnus knew he was right, he still longed for the pain and the pleasure, still hated letting Alec pull away, even if only for long enough to reach the nightstand. He was starting to lose himself to it all, he needed the tether of Alec’s warmth. Magnus knew it would be gone again all too soon, that he would become distracted again and wouldn’t be able to enjoy it like he wanted.

For a second, Alec tried to tease him, to continue their game and go slow just to gain the upper hand and drive Magnus crazy. But Magnus wouldn’t let him. Just as he could take Alec down in training, he could take Alec down in the bedroom. And they would both love every second of it.

Magnus grabbed Alec’s hands, pinning one to Alec’s chest and using the one that had just the tip of a finger inside Magnus for his own purposes. With the right angle, Magnus could push himself down onto Alec’s fingers, opening himself up. He fucked himself on Alec’s fingers quickly and efficiently, but couldn’t deny how amazing it felt when Alec curled his fingers without warning, magically finding Magnus’s prostate. Magnus was still winning though.

And as soon as possible he pulled Alec’s fingers away, using the leftover lube lingering on them to slick up Alec’s cock so that he could press it into himself and sink down as far as he could in one go. 

The intensity of the motion had them both groaning and clinging to each other desperately. Alec rocked into him on instinct, working his way into Magnus until he could reach no deeper. Magnus couldn’t help but shut his eyes for a moment, just feeling. It only lasted a moment, but he could feel nothing but Alec and everything was perfect.

Then Alec grabbed his hips and fucked up into him with a hard thrust. Magnus’s jaw dropped, falling forward and catching himself on Alec’s broad shoulders. It was so good. Everything was so good.

He leaned down, capturing Alec’s lips and panting into his mouth as Alec fucked him fast and hard. The game was still going, but now they worked together, pushing themselves and moving in sync. Everything was hot and hard, sweaty bodies sliding slickly against each other, hot mouths desperate and hard muscles quivering with exertion. Magnus could feel himself getting close, but Alec’s hand was already there, fist tight and hot and still just wet enough, stroking Magnus just as hard and fast as he fucked him. 

Magnus knew he was loud when he came, his entire body shaking with the effort, his fingers digging into Alec’s shoulders and biting down harshly at the corner of Alec’s jaw. Liquid heat exploded through his body and everything seemed to go white for a moment. The only thing that brought him back was feeling Alec’s thrusts become erratic, feeling Alec’s nails digging into his hips and the answering bite at his own neck as Alec moaned loudly and came inside Magnus. 

The connection was blinding, but gone too fast. It was everything Magnus needed, but as soon as he came back to himself, it was like a leaf, barely clinging to a tree in autumn, finally falling, blown away by some unseen and unstoppable force. He felt light, weak, like a leaf, his legs and stomach shaking, disconnected from everything, even from the man still hot and hard inside him.

It was easy then, to collapse onto his back next to Alec. His face was filled with joy; Alec always looked like he had just had the best fuck of his life after sex, no matter what they did. Magnus couldn’t let himself look too long though. It was like staring into the sun. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to enjoy the new aches in his body that came with his mortality, the gentle euphoria that still lingered at his edges. But the black hole inside him was already starting to pull at him again, and his urge to hide the bleeding, raw would that seemed to splay him open for the world to see was too strong. 

“Did you miss my cat eyes?” Magnus couldn’t help but ask. At least he was able to keep his voice light and even. The churning fear of Alec’s answer fought against Magnus’s shame and hatred at himself for being so stupidly insecure. But Magnus knew how desperately he wanted Alec to hold him and tell him everything would be okay even as he knew he would never let that happen.

Magnus couldn’t just lie there. If he did, the pain would be too overwhelming. He wouldn’t be able to breathe and Alec would notice, would want to help. And there was nothing he could do. 

With effort, Magnus pulled himself out of bed, ignoring Alec’s noise of confusion and displeasure as he stopped his movements to curl himself around Magnus. He didn’t let himself look back as he pulled on his robe.

“You know, you were never much of a planner. Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” Alec asked as Magnus listed out everything they would do next.

It was so easy to deflect, to tell half-truths that didn’t even begin to touch the surface of everything Magnus was feeling. But Alec looked at him with those big, gorgeous eyes and Magnus could feel himself breaking. He had to leave. Had to do something. 

His to-do list, at least, was perfect for this moment. Living his life to the fullest, what was left of it at least, had to mean something. It’s what people did when they found out they had a terminal illness, that they would die much sooner than they had ever expected. Magnus would be doing things to enjoy what was left of his life, even better he would be with Alec for all of it, and everything would be okay.

It had to be.


End file.
